Academies, ACCESSIBILITY, Hypocritical Cant, Politics, Satire

Warped & Wove For Public Wear

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Dear Reader, you will be sensible of the stark contrast between the cherub cheeked child, frolicking on the lawn of Osbourne House and the severe looking man (the Baron Von Hassleburke) laying out his and the Prince’s plans for the little sailor boy’s future.

“He must be kept apart from all children of course and his mind and character moulded to the highest standards of moral and intellectual excellence! He cannot be indulged!You must use strict discipline from the beginning. Lest he become as disspitated and weak as his forbears!”

“Quite so,Europe is in tumult and the only thing that might save us is the creation of a race of highly skilled princes! Bertie’s upbringing is a matter of the upmost importance!”

The men exchange a brief smile for not unlike a comfortably married husband and wife, they are of one mind on this matter.The little prince must be subject to a rigorous and exacting education if he is to be (eventually) fitted for public life. The Prince Consort’s upbringing was little different and, as the royal administrator of affairs political it has served him well.

“I take it I have your permission to consult the foremost educational experts London has to offer,Your Grace ?”

“You have, concentrate on those specialising in Theology, French, German and Latin, Maths and Chemistry, Geography and History”

“And Rugby?”

“A bourgeois sport! Military drills will serve him far better”.

T’is the last days of summer and as a gentle breeze dances amongst the trees, little Prince Bertie skips merrily about the lawn.T’is the end of term at Osbourne Industrial Academy and, having proven himself proficient at Carpentry and Brick-laying he has been allowed one month off prior to resuming the next stage of his studies. Galloping to and fro upon the lush green grass he imagines himself astride a proud and handsome stallion, such as he has seen in portraits of Hussars fighting in the Crimea. “Huzzah! Huzzah!” he pulls hard on the reins of his horse causing it to rear and then trample a panic stricken Russian Tartar underfoot. “Huzzah!” he roars whilst the Prince Consort and his adviser look blithely on.

“He has a wondrous imagination” Baron Von Hasslebuke remarks mournfully,”T’is a pity we shall have to squeeze all such inclinations out of him!”

But the Prince Consort has no such regrets so certain is he of this method of rigorous education,observing his son’s animated rompings he replies,”He is destined to ascend the throne of England, what need has he of an imagination when his duty is all that is required!”

Champagne Charlie

Some people go for funny drinks and down ’em by the pail

Like coffee, cocoa, tea and milk and even Adam’s ale

For my part they can keep the lot I never would complain

I wouldn’t touch the bloomin’ stuff, I only drink champagne. For,

Chorus: Champagne Charlie is my name

Champagne Charlie is my name

There’s no drink as good as fizz, fizz, fizz

I’ll drink every drop there is, is, is

All round town it is the same

By Pop! Pop! Pop! I rose to fame

I’m the idol of the barmaids

Champagne Charlie is my name.

I earned my famous title thro’ a hobby which I’ve got

Of never letting others pay however long the shot

Whoever drinks at my expense has no need to complain

For everyone I treat alike I make ’em drink champagne. For,

Chorus: Champagne Charlie is my name

Champagne Charlie is my name

There’s no drink as good as fizz, fizz, fizz

I’ll drink every drop there is, is, is

All round town it is the same

By Pop! Pop! Pop! I rose to fame

I’m the idol of the barmaids

Champagne Charlie is my name.

 

Perhaps you think what I say now is just a bit of chaff

And only put into this song to raise a little laugh

To prove that I’m not jesting and the sort of man I am

I’m going to stand champagne all round and stand it like a lamb.

For,

Chorus: Champagne Charlie is my name

Champagne Charlie is my name

There’s no drink as good as fizz, fizz, fizz

I’ll drink every drop there is, is, is

All round town it is the same

By Pop! Pop! Pop! I rose to fame

I’m the idol of the barmaids

Champagne Charlie is my name.

 

 

 

 

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